Reading over my archives, I realized of my values being still entirely unchanged.
The essence of my values is to compare myself with others in any forms of abilities, which often appear as marks, scores, degrees, reality in drawings or something.
Because of this I sometimes get depression when I think of myself as inferior to those whom I chose as an target for comparison. In addition , of course , I also feel sordidly superiority with a great delight for that.
Then what has changed? What is the difference in the situation of my past and present conditions?
...Why did I feel nothing but melancoly or defeated at that time?

The answer is simple.
Now that I understand.

AT THE AGE OF 22.

ソーカルが大好きになりたかった。
なれればどんなに幸せだったろうかと。楽だったろうかと。